There is one implied notion that comes across from a lot of dating or feminist advice. It’s the idea that women are somehow socially perfect and that if you manage to improve your “game” enough, at the very least, you should get the majority of the women who are interested in you. However, what is much closer to the truth is that a lot of women are just as clueless as guys when it comes to dating, and that it takes two to tango.
Let me give you a few examples from my own experiences. I went to this stand-up comedy night. There was this girl who was constantly looking at me and smiling very seductively. From an acquaintance I knew that she was single. I walk up to her to chat for a bit. A little later in the evening when I was about to leave, I asked her whether she wants to do something with me on the weekend. Suddenly she gets all nervous and starts giving me some bullshit. So I said, “Okay, no problem.” and moved on.
Now it’s of course possible that I was wrong in assuming that she likes me but these days my intuition is pretty spot-on. I don’t know what the issue with her was, but in my view, I did my part of initiating the conversation, talking a bit and asking her out. Maybe she wanted to chat more, maybe she wanted to do some other shit. But the point is that every girl wants different things and you can only do so much. If the girl doesn’t do her part, there isn’t much you can do yourself.
I remember this one time in a bar when I was talking to a girl and we were having a good time. Things were heating up and I moved in really close. Suddenly the girl starts getting all mixed emotions and tells me in quick succession that I smell really good and about how she is still hurt because a guy of my nationality once dated her. He had promised that he would marry her but dumped her later on. A few days back, I was in bed with another girl watching a movie. We start getting a little cuddly, then we start making out and as I try to ramp up the physical escalation, she is like, “I am not sure if I want to do this. I still feel hurt from my last relationship,” and some other crap.
Other times, the issues could be much simpler. Say, you are out with your friends at some cool event, and text a girl to drop by as it’s going to be a lot of fun — and then she gets all weird and shy, thinks she doesn’t know about the event, wonders whether she’ll get along with the people there and whatnot. I remember this one time when I was about to go to a party on a private yacht with a friend. It was going to be a totally fancy party, with some drop-dead gorgeous people. In my view, it was a no brainer that if I invite someone they’ll come. I called up a female friend who lived close by and told her to come over. At first, she acted really pricey saying, “I don’t know, I am really tired.” In my head, I was, like, really?! I asked her once more, but she acted pricey again so I thought, “Fuck it.” But suddenly, when I told her, “OK. Don’t come,” she says, “Okay, I will come but I’m doing this only for you and you owe me for this!” I have had some friends tell me similar shit where they ask some girl out for a movie, and for no particular reason she will act really pricey and expect that the guy will ask her out two or three times before she will say yes.
In these situations you can be persistent and it’s quite possible that the girl will come around later but it’s also totally fine if you thought, “Fuck this. I don’t want to deal with this shit” and moved on. You played your part, and it takes two to tango. Yes, with experience you can sense better what the girl wants and turn those cases around. However, you can only lift so much of the weight she should be lifting. This is of course no excuse for you to not play your part, but a lot of the times it really isn’t your fault and there is only so much you can do.
Coming back to the original point, whenever someone tells you that you have to listen and relate with the girl, not make her appear like a slut, figure out her logistics, try to understand what she likes, text her at the right time when she is free, connect with her emotionally, organize an interesting date, keep the conversation fun, be persistent but not be clingy, be aggressive but don’t creep her out, make statements and don’t ask questions etc. — then, seriously, if you don’t want to, then just forget about it. If the girl is not playing her part, there is only so much you can do.
So next time, don’t bother so much about being smooth. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Don’t bother whether it’s an appropriate time to ask her out or whether you should talk some more with her. “Should I organize a coffee date or is it okay to straight call her over for a movie at my place?” “Is it okay to just text ’hey, what’s up how you doing’ or should I come up with something clever?”
Really, this is just another form of supplicating to women. Do your bit, i.e. initiate conversations, ask for her phone number, ask her out, make a move on a date, ask her to come home with you and so on, but don’t worry about being smooth or creating the perfect moment. It takes two to tango.Another related point is that in my experience, difficult women remain difficult. You might think, “Okay, let’s pursue this girl for a while even if I don’t really want to because maybe, after a while, she will be all normal and easygoing!” Transformations like that usually don’t happen. Please don’t think that I’m a misogynist. I don’t hate women. I’m just saying the truth when I say that you can only do so much. You can’t lift all the weight which she is supposed to. Also, please stop reading websites that refer to clueless men as nerds or geeks or losers or chumps or whatever because there’s an implied assumption that women really know what they are doing. But the truth is they are just as clueless as guys, if not more.