Male and female sexuality is different. A man will only have sex with a woman to whom he is physically attracted. She must at least turn him on enough to give him an erection. A woman will also have sex with a guy who turns her on; call this attraction-based sex. However, unlike a man she also has the capacity to have transactional sex, which is sex in exchange for some benefit from the man. Things women will exchange for sex include: money, status, listening to her shit, doing things for her, buying her gifts, etc.
The two modes are not mutually exclusive. Most sex that takes place is some mixture of attraction-based and transactional. With escorts it’s typically purely transactional, though an escort may sometimes be attracted to her client, it’s a rare bonus for her. Fucking a stranger in the bathroom within 10 minutes of meeting her is purely attraction-based. An actress who fucks a producer to get a role – transactional. Fuck buddy sex – mostly attraction based.
Marriage and relationship sex is partly attraction-based, but with a hefty dose of transactional mixed in. Think of the boyfriend who picks up his girlfriend from work, or takes her out to a fancy restaurant. And think of the husband who financially supports the wife and children, while the wife stays at home or works an easier, lower paying job.
A lot of guys are uneasy about transactional sex. They see it clearly with prostitution, but are hesitant to admit it with relationships and marriage. Even with prostitution many johns like to be told by the prostitute how much they turn her on. The prostitute usually obliges as she caters to her client’s wishes. I’m sorry to burst your bubble fellas, but escorts typically bang you in exchange for cash and not for any other reason. Your girlfriend too, while she is likely attracted to you, she is also partly in it for the benefits.
We are much better off letting go of our egos and accepting female sexuality as it is rather than how we’d like it to be. This explicit distinction between transactional and attraction-based sex can help us make better decisions about our sex lives. There is nothing wrong with transactional sex in principle. Unfortunately the terms of the transaction tend to be unfavorable for men.
Let’s look at the different modes of transactional sex available to a man. First there are escorts, which I view as a mutually beneficial transaction. The advantages of escorts are:
1) They are pros and usually good in bed and they are there to please you.
2) The exact price is known upfront.
3) It’s a sure thing.
Sex with a sugar mama is similar. It’s like hiring an escort on retainer, an intermediate step between prostitution and dating. Taking on a sugar mama still allows you to explicitly negotiate the terms, so I consider it a viable option.
Contrast this with dating. While dating is not the same thing as prostitution, there are clear parallels. Dating is a transactional system rigged against the man. You don’t know how many dates it’s going to take, you don’t know how much you’re going to end up spending, and you’re not guaranteed a lay at the end. She may simply drop you after a few dates. And if you do end up in a sexual relationship, she may suck in bed, and you’ll have to keep paying uncertain costs. Within casual relationships (i.e. fuck buddies) the quality of sex is also uncertain, but at least you don’t invest much.
Marriage is even worse. A wife is kind of like a prostitute with government protection. As is the case with all government protection, the protected group benefits at the expense of the consumer. Witness countless guys for whom sex dries up immediately after the wedding. In some instances your newlywed wife will even say that she need not have sex anymore since you’re married now. Then there is divorce, where you stand to lose half your assets and pay alimony, sometimes for life. Imagine how much hot escort pussy you could indulge in with all that money!
Of course, most women don’t view relationships and marriage as transactional sex. They believe that they’re allowing romance to develop and love to blossom. This is just self-delusion that keeps her from facing the unpalatable reality. Most civilian chicks don’t like to think of themselves as anything resembling a prostitute. There are women who see things clearly. With rare exception they refuse to admit it and compromise their bargaining position.
All things considered, most times it doesn’t make sense to have transactional sex with civilian chicks because the terms of the transaction suck. Only with escorts and sugar mamas does it make sense, if their services are worth the price to you and you can afford it. Admittedly I have never actually paid for sex, so I don’t have direct experience, but consider that Hollywood celebrities and rock stars, who are not lacking in civilian pussy options, still often choose to go to escorts.
Since I am aiming primarily for attraction-based sex with civilian chicks I go for it quickly and I don’t waste time and money dating. When she is sufficiently physically attracted to you, she won’t require much before giving it up, so long as she feels reasonably safe and comfortable with you and so long as you are discreet. On the other hand, dating is a great way to overpay for sex. A chick may be attracted and down to fuck, but if you ask her on a date she’ll accept and see just how much you’re willing to invest. She just hit pay dirt: a guy who she’d fuck without much investment willing to invest!
Unfortunately chicks don’t typically let on when they’re attracted to you and often proactively hide the fact. See: The Tiger Analogy. So we’re stuck with escalating physically and finding out that way. I dealt with this in detail in She’s Just Not That Into You.
So we have transactional sex via socially approved routes (dating and marriage), which tend to greatly benefit women at men’s expense. We have the players who “use women for sex,” never mind that women have agency and repeatedly choose to have sex with the players. And then we have various forms of prostitution (escorts, sugar mamas), which are mutually beneficial arrangements, but are frowned upon by society.
If you’re like me you don’t put much value on societal approval and you’re free and happy as a result. This is especially cogent in light of the fact that society cares little for you as a man. I don’t care to be “respectable,” a “gentleman,” a “real man,” etc. I am just out there looking for the best deal for me regardless of anyone’s opinion. Personally if I’m going to be banging civilian chicks I prefer for it to be mostly attraction-based. This limits me to one-night stands and casual relationships. If I ever go the transactional route it will likely be with escorts. Here are the various methods of acquiring sex in rough order of my personal preference:
1) Attraction-based sex via one-night stands and casual relationships, so long as it does not take much effort.
2) Sex with escorts or sugar mamas.
3) About equal standing: Celibacy or an unusually hot and easy-going girlfriend.
4) “Serious” dating with your average chick, even if hot.
5) Marriage or anything resembling it, like living together.
What about love and companionship? First of all, for most men, companionship is of secondary priority as compared with sex. Men are taught to value companionship over sex, but male biology is setup in the opposite manner. It’s instructive to ask yourself how much you desire her companionship the moment after you’ve just ejaculated inside her. Another thing to reflect on: how much of a typical chick’s companionship consists of her nagging and being moody?
It is not at all clear whether wives and girlfriends, on average, are better company than escorts or sugar mamas. Loveless marriages and relationships are not at all uncommon, while escorts are known for being great company. I noticed in my own relationships that it’s not so much her company that I enjoy, but rather touching her and being in physical contact with her.
I hate to be so pragmatic and unromantic, but fake love and true companionship are services that can be obtained from a quality escort or a sugar mama. So the only thing left is “real love,” which consists of a chick missing you, wanting to spend a lot of time with you, getting jealous, feeling possessive. On the positive side it includes: her caring for you, greater intimacy within the relationship, better sex. In my opinion real love can be a good thing on balance, when you can get it from a great woman who is compatible with you, but in most cases a chick who is in love with you is more of a liability.
If you’re very lucky and you have a girlfriend with whom you have great intimacy, who doesn’t ask too much and who is sexually available and eager to please, that’s great for you. But this is rare. My point is to that we need to perform a conscious cost-benefit analysis of the various ways of obtaining sex and decide which approach works best for us. We can perform this analysis much better when we have a more realistic view of female sexuality.